My quest to visit all of the football stadiums in London continues, this time with Tottenham Hotspur Stadium in North London on New Years Eve, 2023.

Clerical note: this stadium is brand new, and the naming rights have yet to be sold. In the future this will probably be known as [BRAND NAME] Stadium, but as of now the Spurs stadium is going by its own name. OR, in an ode to their previous stadium, which was called White Hart Lane, this new place is sometimes called New White Hart Lane. I expect that this name will stick long after the naming rights have been assigned, so that is what I’m using in the title of this article.

Today we’re going to be seeing the Spurs play against Bournemouth. This is an area of London that I had not yet visited, so let me show you the destination on the map.

As with most Premiere League games, London’s infrastructure—amazing though it may be—doesn’t do a great job of handling all of the people that suddenly need to use the tube at the same time. And those issues are all the worse at this particular stadium because it is HUGE. Tottenham Hotspur Stadium has an occupancy of 62,850 people, which makes it the 4th largest football stadium in England. Ahead of it there is only London Stadium (West Ham), Old Trafford (Manchester United), and Wembley (mostly international competition and cup finals). So, as per usual, I arrived at the train station feeling like a sardine squeezed into a can.

Here’s the map of where this is in London.

Yep, there it is! Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. It’s big, it’s new, and it’s shiny. And the NFL plays here in the offseason, which felt very random to me when I first arrived in London. Like, the NFL plays in England? …OK. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Ya’ll… this stadium is incredible. It is absolutely the nicest stadium I have ever been in. The floors under the overhang are carpeted! As soon as I walked in I was involuntarily smiling. And then, when I realized that we had unwittingly gotten AMAZING seats, I was really grinning. This was one of the coolest atmospheres I’ve ever experienced! Before the game even started, I already liked this stadium more than Stamford Bridge, and a LOT more than London Stadium.

And then the game started. Pape Sarr scored less than 9 minutes into the game to bring the score to 1-nil. The weather was beautiful, the stadium was buzzing, it was a very good time. Here are pictures.

Continuing the tradition of writing down all the outrageous things that people scream within earshot of me…

“Lo Celso you wacky little bastard!”

“Lo Celso you wacky little tit!”

“Look at that — fucking Emerson Royale running around like a fucking headless chicken!”

“He’s soft as fucking sh… he’s very soft”

I love that last one because of the inexplicable change or heart in using foul language right at the the very end.

If you were unaware, Arsenal is the undisputed & primary rival of Tottenham. These two teams are located quite close to one another in North London, so the rivalry is fierce. And it just so happened that Arsenal was playing a game at the same time as this Tottenham game. It is often the case in Football that two matches play out simultaneously, and news of what is happening in game 1 has big implications for the teams playing in game 2. That definitely was the case here, as Arsenal, who were leading Tottenham in the table, suffered a 2-1 defeat at the hands of Fulham. Here’s some of the related chatter that took over in the stands, even as the game continued in front of us…

“And the scum are down 2-1… this could potentially be a dream end to the year”

“They are proper scum bags though - that’s what they are: scum bags!”

“To hell with the bloody Arsenal eh? They’re absolute shit bags!” (said over the phone)

But in all of this, the most entertaining dialogue came from a small boy—maybe 7-8 years old—who was providing a hilarious running commentary in the most adorable little English accent you’ve ever heard. Here’s a few of the zingers that this boy let loose during the game:

“Vicario is the best goalie in the world!” (he said this at least 6 times)

“Solanke you time waster!”

“Make it 2-nil!”

“Fuck off!”

“Stop passing the ball to the other fucking team!”

“Shove it up your bum!”

I think all of the adults within earshot were really enjoying it.

The aforementioned Vicario transferred in from Serie A side Empoli to replace long-time captain and 2x World Cup finalist and 1x World Cup winner, Hugo Lloris. He’s getting up there in years now, so he’s making a transfer state-side to LAFC! That’s great for MLS, but it was bittersweet at New White Hart Lane. He came out at half-time and said an in-person goodbye to all the Spurs supporters. It was very cool.

And now, back to the game. The 2nd half of this game was the most exciting 45 minutes of football that I’ve ever experienced in person. BY FAR.

For starters, when the half started, the weather took a turn for the worse. A cold rain blew in and soon the stadium was undergoing a full-on torrential downpour. At one point it was actually hailing! Luckily our seats were just far enough back that we were not exposed to the elements, but the teams played on through all of that craziness.

With the rain beating down, I got to see Heung-Min Son score from like 400 feet away. The place went crazy. I think it was the first in my adult life that I have found myself involuntarily jumping up and down. It was electric! And in the grand scheme of things, I know this wasn’t even that big of a game. I can only imagine how amazing it would be to watch something happen that is genuinely consequential for the season.

I also got to see Richarlison score a goal over here, but it wasn’t as exciting. It happened on the other side of the pitch from me so I didn’t have as good a view of it… and more to the point, the Spurs win was already feeling pretty well-assured by that point. It was Son’s goal that really created that sense of assurance in the first place.

Spurs did concede one goal at the end of the game by Bournemouth’s Alex Scott… which was not a name I was familiar with prior to this match. You can see it all in the YouTube highlights embedded below. That goal from Son is at 7:06.

Note: Set VPNs to U.S. to watch this video ⤵

I think most people thought this season was going to be absolute shit for Spurs when Harry Kane left. Not that anybody faulted him for leaving. He’s FAR too good a player to have never won anything. But even with his insane goal tally in the Bundesliga this season, it’s looking like Bayern Munich might fail to win the title for the first time in over a decade. Meanwhile Spurs are actually doing pretty well this season. So, I’m just gonna say it: maybe this was like a Jonah and the whale situation. Maybe Kane was the issue all along! 😂

In any case, while Kane’s quest for silverware continues, there’s still a beautiful mural of him at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.

When this match was over, we queued in the cold rain to get back onto the train for… a long time. It was not fun. But you know what? As I write these words, ~6 weeks later, this memory is pretty abstract to me. But seeing Son score feels like it happened yesterday.

Track of the day is the one song that the crowd always seems to sing at every single football/soccer games around the world. Or—you know—it gets sung, like, 85% of the time.

The next installment from football/soccer land is a few articles aways, but when we get there, it’s going to be at Craven Cottage.